How to Make Your Partner Come

With many people opening back up after years of pandemic and no harsh rules on going for restaurants and other public spaces, there is still a crisis of boredom, as one can say. Some of us are using this as an opportunity to become experts in one area or another, taking up challenges, going to the gym, redecorating their space, and enrolling in online classes. And that’s great, especially learning new skills. But what about learning something that will benefit both you and your partner? If you think you’re not good enough when it comes to helping your partner reach orgasm, know that there’s always a chance – or even more – for improvement. Psychologysts say that only 65% of women in a heteronormative relatioship have orgasmed, while most men have. In the meantime, women in gay relatioships are more to reach orgasm - 86%. This recent research shows an orgasm gap that needs to be adressed and straight men might want to learn more about taking their time to make their partner enjoy more the sex they’re having. But how? 

Forget about penetration 

Yes, dicks are great but they’re just a body part and they cannot be the whole focus when engaging in an erotic episode. The penis is not the solution – to making her come. But a reliable route to orgasm takes you beyond the vagina (did you know that only 4% of women come by intercourse. So, your focus should be somewhere else then, because the penis is not the key to every woman’s orgasm. Try instead to work with your tounge, hands and even add a sex toy sometimes.

Don’t rush into it

The messages from porn are loud and clear: to cause pleasure, men should thrust hard and last long, but the truth is that this might be to harsh for some. Some women might even experience pain when you push it real hard, and that is not comfortable. The best is to slow down, take a deep breath, take your time and don’t rush into it. You’re not on pornhub. And you should focus more on the clitoris to stimulate it and get your partner as aroused as possible. 

Communicate and ask 

Asking for directions and help should be your priority, because how else would you know what she likes, how she wants to be touched. You can ask ‘does this feel good?’ ‘what kind of toys you prefer?’ ‘would you like to be touched here?’ and so on. Directions are not your enemy, they’re actually your help in getting your partner closer to orgasming. 

Don’t put pressure 

You can ask about fingering advice and it’s ok, you can help your partner come but remember that this shouldn’t be your final goal: if this is your only thing you’re striving for, you might put a lot of pressure on her. Because sometimes, trying to have an orgasm might  to ruin your sex sesion. The good news is you can switch the focus: from pressure to pleasure. How? Move slower, take your time, enjoy every touch and every kiss. And don’t ask ‘did you come?’ but ask for more directions, if necessary. Check in with your partner to see if they’re feeling good or want something else to be done different. Sex is a process to be enjoyed, not a chase. 

Focus on one at a time

This means taking turns and orgasming one at a time, since a simultaneous orgasm is almost impossible. Especially without stimulating the clitoris. So why not take turns? You can practice the turn-taking model common for lesbian couples. You can start by going down on your partner and then having intercourse – but that’s just an example. Because there is no rule for good sex and making one come. You both need to be comfortable and don’t skip prelude, making out, touching. Basically whatever gets you in the mood for eroticism. Then, you can play and experiment, finding new ways of connecting.